How to Set Boundaries Without Being Mean

How to Set Boundaries Without Being Mean

Do you ever feel like it’s mean or selfish to set boundaries? Do you feel guilty — like you’re doing something wrong — when you set boundaries? If so, read on to learn how to set boundaries without being mean and without the guilt and icky feeling that your needs don’t matter. What are boundaries? Boundaries create physical and emotional […]

Let go of Good Girl Syndrome and people-pleasing #goodgirl #peoplepleasing #perfectionist #ACA

Why Being a “Good Girl” Isn’t Always a Good Thing

Let go of good girl syndrome, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and rediscover yourself! Be a good girl. Do as you re told. Don’t talk back. Put others first. Wait your turn. Don’t make trouble. Be quiet and look pretty. Don’t ask for anything or ask Be on your best behavior. People are watching. Don’t embarrass me. Selflessness is a virtue. No one […]

We Repeat What We Don't Repair #dysfunctionalfamily #codependency #trauma #sanjose #counseling

We Repeat What We Don’t Repair

Do you seem to repeat the same dysfunctional relationship patterns – even though they leave you frustrated and hurt? Why do some people end up in one codependent relationship after another? Why does a woman with an emotionally distant mother repeat the same pattern with her own children? Why do so many adult children of alcoholics marry alcoholics? And why […]

Codependency and Perfectionism

3 Keys to Recovering from Codependency and Perfectionism

  “I’m so busy being a wife, mother, daughter, and nurse that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m always taking care of others and trying to keep them happy. I’m not even sure what I like, believe, and value.” “I’m really self-critical. It’s hard for me to accept compliments. I dwell on my mistakes and imperfections.” “I […]

Books for Adult Children of Alcoholics #ACA #recovery #codependency #counseling #trauma #dysfunctional #family #selfhelp #book #review

Therapist Recommended Books for Adult Children of Alcoholics

This post contains affiliate links.   After my earlier blog post about growing up in an alcoholic family, I got a lot of requests for additional reading suggestions. We are fortunate that there are many helpful books for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) on healing codependency, trauma, and relationship challenges. Below are some of my reading suggestions for adults who […]

The effects of growing up in a dysfunctional family

The Effects of Growing Up in a Dysfunctional Family

    If you grew up in a family with a chemically dependent, mentally ill, or abusive parent, you know how hard it is — and you know that everyone in the family is affected. Over time, the family begins to revolve around maintaining the status quo – the dysfunction. Rigid family rules and roles develop in dysfunctional families that […]

Boundaries The Solution for Feeling Overwhelmed

Boundaries: The Solution for Feeling Overwhelmed

  Jill feels overwhelmed. Jill has been working 12-hour days all week. She’s barely seen her son, let alone spent any quality time with him, which leaves her feeling guilty. Her 11-year-old is nagging her to have three friends over to watch a movie on Friday night, but Jill is exhausted. It’s Mother’s Day weekend and she still hasn’t gotten […]