How to Breakup with Integrity

How to Breakup with Integrity #breakup #mature #integrity

Mature Ways to Breakup

I sometimes hear breakup horror stories. We’re all familiar with the breakup via text, the blame game, and plain old avoidance (ghosting). There are more mature ways to breakup with your partner when things have gone south. Yes, it’s harder, but integrity isn’t something you can have only when it’s easy.

First, start with empathy. I know this may be asking a lot if you’ve been hurt or just don’t have that lovin’ feeling anymore. But try to put yourself in their shoes. How would you want to someone to breakup with you?

Why is integrity important in a breakup?

According to, “Having integrity means doing the right thing in a reliable way. It’s a personality trait that we admire, since it means a person has a moral compass that doesn’t waver.” Breaking up with integrity is a reflection of your character, maturity, and that your partner was once very special to you.

[tweetthis]Honesty goes a long way toward a mature breakup.[/tweetthis]

If you’re looking for mature ways to breakup, honesty is essential. Honesty is the best approach in breaking up with someone you’ve fallen out of love with. You can gently let your partner know that your feelings have changed and it’s time to go separate ways. Sometimes your partner will recognize that s/he feels similarly. However, it can be quite painful if your partner is still in love with you and is not ready to break up. In my opinion, the most mature and thoughtful thing to do is tell the truth and trust that in time your partner will see this as an opportunity in disguise.

I was recently quoted in the article 7 Ways to survive a breakup when you’re the heartbreaker.  It’s a great place to read more on the topic.



Sharon Martin, a licensed counselor and psychotherapist in Northern California, specializes in helping adult children of alcoholics and others who struggle with anxiety, perfectionism, and self-criticism. She has a private psychotherapy practice in CA where she is available for online counseling. Sharon is also the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism and write the blog Conquering Codependency for Psychology Today.

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