Learn how to end self-criticism and replace it with self-acceptance! I’m an idiot. What’s wrong with me? I can’t believe I did that – again! I look so fat in these jeans. Why am I so careless? I’m never going to figure this out. My inner-dialogue used to sound a lot like this. And I know, I’m not […]
Children who grow up in alcoholic, dysfunctional, or abusive families often feel inadequate, defective or broken; and these feelings don’t magically disappear when they grow up and leave home. Feelings of inadequacy stick with us – plaguing many Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACAs) or Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families with a lack of self-worth. Why do some […]
Let go of good girl syndrome, perfectionism, and people-pleasing and rediscover yourself! Be a good girl. Do as your told. Don’t talk back. Wait your turn. Don’t make trouble. Just sit here and be quiet. Smile and look happy. Don’t make your father angry. Where are your manners? How many times have you been told to be “good girl” or […]
“I’m so busy being a wife, mother, daughter, and nurse that I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m always taking care of others and trying to keep them happy. I’m not even sure what I like, believe, and value.” “I’m really self-critical. It’s hard for me to accept compliments. I dwell on my mistakes and imperfections.” “I […]
Why do some adult children of alcoholics become workaholics? “Work first. Play later.” That’s the motto Elizabeth grew up with. It was hard for her to relax and enjoy things when there was work to be done, a project left unfinished, or something still on her to-do list. She was more comfortable working than having fun. Play and rest just […]
Striving for excellence is a good thing. Perfectionism, however, is an unrealistic and unrelenting expectation that you’ll excel at everything, always do and say the “right” thing, and be everything to everyone. People who struggle with codependency, tend to struggle with perfectionism as well. Perfectionism is one of the ways we try to feel in control and worthy.
Why are women susceptible to people-pleasing and perfectionism? While people-pleasing and perfectionism aren’t exclusively women’s issues, women are socialized in many cultures to be care takers, put other people’s needs before their own, and be passive. They worry about what other people think of them; they don’t want to displease or be seen as “difficult” or “high maintenance”. […]
Fear of Commitment Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend who won’t commit? If you’ve never experienced this yourself, chances are that you’ve had a frustrated friend who wants to know: “How long should I wait for him to commit?”. I recently contributed to a column on the website Love Evolve and Thrive about how to cope with fear […]