“Why is my childhood still affecting me? Shouldn’t I be over it by now?” Amy, aged 37, asked me at her first therapy session. “I feel like I’m complaining,” she said ashamedly. “I’m sure other people have bigger problems — real problems. I feel silly coming to therapy to talk about getting over painful childhood experiences from twenty years […]
What is codependent thinking? Codependency refers to an unhealthy relationship dynamic where one person is focused on taking care of, fixing, or controlling the other to the extent that he neglects his own needs. The relationship becomes enmeshed – there aren’t clear boundaries or a sense of being separate, unique, independent people. Codependency is built on low self-worth – feelings […]
Why do some adult children of alcoholics become workaholics? “Work first. Play later.” That’s the motto Elizabeth grew up with. It was hard for her to relax and enjoy things when there was work to be done, a project left unfinished, or something still on her to-do list. She was more comfortable working than having fun. Play and rest just […]
This post contains affiliate links. After my earlier blog post about growing up in an alcoholic family, I got a lot of requests for additional reading suggestions. We are fortunate that there are many helpful books for Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) on healing codependency, trauma, and relationship challenges. Below are some of my reading suggestions for adults who […]
Mary and Dan have been married for 10 years and for nine of them Dan has been done tried everything in his power to help Mary get and stay sober. He’s driven her to the emergency room, called rehab facilities, participated in the family program at the three recovery programs she’s attended, given her lists of therapists, begged her […]
Are you drawn to people with serious problems, who tend to “under function”? Do you feel lonely in your relationships? Do you feel like no one listens to you or no one cares about you? Are you tired of having the same arguments over and over again? Do you feel invisible or insignificant? Do people take advantage of your […]
What Causes Codependency? Once people recognize that they have codependent traits, they often begin to wonder where these codependent tendencies came from. Why are some people susceptible to codependency in their adult relationships? What causes codependency? Why is it so hard to break free from codependent relationships? While the answers aren’t the same for everyone, for most people it begins […]
Grounding is simple and free strategy to reduce anxiety that you can use anywhere.